Do You Really Know What You Want in a Partner?

Let’s be honest—most of us have, at some point, put together a mental (or actual) checklist of what our dream partner should be like.

Tall? Check. Loves dogs? Check. Has a six-figure salary, a gym membership, and a good relationship with their mother? Triple check.

But here’s the real question: Is your list based on what you truly need, or is it just a wishlist of nice-to-haves? Finding a meaningful connection isn’t about picking features like you’re building a custom burger; it’s about understanding what genuinely makes a relationship work for you.

The Difference Between Preferences and Dealbreakers

There’s a big difference between preferences (things that would be nice to have) and dealbreakers (things that are non-negotiable for a healthy relationship).

✅ Dealbreaker: Must be kind and emotionally available.

❌ Preference: Must love 90s rom-coms as much as I do.

See the difference? While it’s great to have shared interests, the foundation of a strong relationship is built on compatibility, shared values, and emotional security.

Are You Looking for Love or Validation?

Be honest with yourself—are you seeking a relationship because you truly want to connect, or are you just looking for external validation?

🚩 Red flag: You feel incomplete without someone and rely on a relationship to boost your self-worth.

💡 Green flag: You’re happy on your own but want to share your life with someone who complements (not completes) you.

If your main concern is having someone to text “good morning” to, rather than finding a partner who genuinely aligns with your values, it might be time for some self-reflection.

Self-Reflection Questions to Guide You

If you’re unsure whether you truly know what you want in a partner, ask yourself these questions:

• What qualities in a person make me feel safe and valued?

• What are my absolute dealbreakers in a relationship?

• Am I looking for a relationship, or do I just want to feel wanted?

• How do I handle conflict, and what kind of communication style works best for me?

  
  

The Next Step: Getting Clarity

If your answer to “What do I want in a partner?” is still “Tall, dark, and emotionally available,” it might be time to dig deeper. Understanding yourself first is the key to finding a connection that lasts.

Need help figuring it out? That’s what coaching is for! Let’s work on finding clarity together—because when you truly know what you want, you’re one step closer to finding it.